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November 25th, 2009

I'm vividly remembering Thanksgiving of 7th grade this year.

That year we had a 30-something pound turkey. Home-raised. That turkey was an absolute bastard. That dumb, dick turkey's head came to my shoulderblades and he'd peck me when I tried to feed him. That douche.

We started with four turkeys all together. Two males, two females. One got out of the pen and was eaten, immediately by coyotes. The three remaining... *sigh* I wish I could say that it was a fight to choose for the holiday... no. No there was no debate. That dumb douche bird got what was coming to him.

He sat on one of the females and broke her legs and she eventually starved to death. I remember my dad throwing her stiff body into the woods/field behind the pen.

Then there was two...

Dickbird and the other one. I am pretty sure someone's dog got this one, because we had turkey breasts in the freezer long before thanksgiving.

Then dickbird was alone. I remember chasing him around the yard with the riding mower...and getting chased when I tried feeding him.

I remember the day my dad wrestled dickbird into a crate and hauled him to be slaughtered. I had a basketball game... he dropped me off with a damn turkey in the back of his Chevette.

That year we had an ice storm. It was unreal. Everything was encased in ice. We sledded down the formerly-busy road to see all the accidents and jack-knifed semis stuck in various ditches. The power flickered, the lines arced, the road went unplowed.

And we had to cook dickbird. I remember waking up at 5am - I had to sleep downstairs because we had oil heat down there and electric upstairs. Sporadic electricity? 34 lb dickbird? Family from out of town?

That dickbird was delicious.

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